Thursday, January 21, 2010

You know what?

I'm sick.
of focusing on the negatives,
of complaining,
of not knowing how to deal,
of caring,
of overthinking,
of wondering,
of not being able to just say how I feel.

I'm sick of feeling like this.

I want.
to move on from this,
to not be stressed anymore,
to curb the boredom,
to write and think more positively,
to get away from it all and not care about what I am leaving behind.

I want to be happy.

I just wish.

I wish things were easier like back then when I could write about all the good things in my day, instead of all the bad things, I wish I could be content to just sit in my room and read, for hours on end, without feeling like I wasted the day, just because it wasn't filled with some 'fun' activities, I wish that I didn't care about the way she treated me, and that I could call on her when she was upsetting me, so she knew what she did was wrong, I wish that I didn't like him, that we could just be friends, because I know, really I do, that it is best that way, although, I'm just not sure that my heart has realised it yet, I wish that we could just hang out as friends, without me worrying that I am leading him on, I wish that some certain people could know what is going on in my head without me feeling like I have told them too much, I wish I could trust some of my friends a whole lot more, because although I do trust them, I'm just not sure how much yet, I wish that things were easier but they're not, I wish I didn't care so much but I do, I wish I could understand more but I don't. Why can't life just be easy?