Mary Oliver wrote 'he is exactly the poem I wanted to write' and it's true, there is no-one else that could be made into a poem as intriguing as him.
If I could write him as a poem, I would start it with one letter, because I think the fact that his nickname is a single letter is fascinating and I think about being called M and hearing the sound of my initial curling from his lips.
If I could write him as a poem, I would put something about us having mutually curly hair and the fact that he has no pictures of himself in his profile pictures and I'd marvel about what that means.
If I could write him as a poem, I would mention that we sat next to each other in a graduation ceremony over a year ago and how I thought his nickname was his actual name and how interesting I thought that was.
If I could write him as a poem, I would write about how he works at the video shop near my house and how he's always so lovely there.
If I could write him as a poem, I'd finish it with Yours, M.

Please give up on me.

I just want you to know that it wasn't for you. Since then it never has been. And I'm trying so hard to keep history from repeating itself, but even now I can see that it's happening. Is it so impossible for us to just be friends? I can't be friends with you without hurting you, and that hurts me.

I am not going to let this happen again.

Just understand okay?

You have to understand that I don't do things like this often. Usually I just sit back and quietly get upset over things that I won't change. But not this time okay? Please understand that I won't do that this time. I'm not an entirely selfish person, and I'm sorry if this hurts you by me making this decision. But I'm losing you anyway. Ever since you had him I've felt like you didn't need me anymore. Yes, maybe I've pulled away, but you've forgotten about me. You may not realise but you do that often.

Close Call.

She’s at a party and she’s drunk.
Can in one hand, beer in the other.
‘The innocent one.’
Never kissed a boy before.
She’s dancing
Laughing
Singing to her friend in a cubby house
All the while
Oblivious
To how close she came.
He’s wearing a dress
(It was a themed party)
He’s kissing her
Borrows his friends keys
‘I got a girl; can I have your car?’
They go out the front
She doesn’t know what he’s thinking
‘We’re only going to kiss’
She tells her friend
The friend tells her not to go with him
She says no
A boy comes up and abuses the boy in the dress
‘He’s a creep!’
He tells the innocent girl
She doesn’t listen
Two girls come and yell at the boy in the dress
‘You stay away from her!’
‘Get off the road’
Someone says.
She is picked up and moved off the road
‘No, we’re only going to kiss.’
‘Do you seriously think that’s all he wants?’
‘I’m strong enough to fight him off’
‘No you can’t, look at the size of him
And look at the size of you.’
‘No!’
‘Listen to me!’
‘But I can’t just leave now, I’ll look stupid!’
‘Grab my hand, I’ll drag you and you can pretend to resist’
She is dragged away by her friend
‘No, stop it!
I’ll be back soon’
She tells the boy in the dress.
‘No you fucking will not’
The other nice boy tells her.
They go back to the party.
A girl walks up to the boy in the dress
‘I’m watching you’
She says.
The innocent one still doesn’t know
How close she came
To the things we hear about
And think
‘It will never happen to us.’

When I told you that I had more than the one blog, and you told me I should delete the others
I stopped liking you just a little bit.

You are

beaches

and

bluebottles

and

night time

and

driving

and

rollercoaster roads

and

midnight

and

black water

and

bright lights

and

big rocks

and

ice cream

and

walking

and

secret

and

shooting stars

and

dingoes

and

good morning

and

company

and

comfort

and

the opposite of lonely

and

opera

and

movies

and

one in the morning

and

breakwalls

and

jeans

and

football

and

knees

and

hands

and

orange

You told me I had small feet.
They're almost half the size of mine, You said.
My hands are small too, I said.
You laughed.

What's wrong?

'I don't know' was always on her lips these says.
Always thinking 'Stop messing with my fucking head.'

He said he cares.

"I guess this makes it all sound like I don't care about you, but I do."

I'm not sure where this thing that we have is going, but I don't think I need to be sure in order to enjoy myself.

These things I'll never say.