27.7.11

I don't know what to write

I've used up all my words
writing notes while my mind
floats somewhere else
(I must try to stop it doing that)
I haven't cried today
it tried to take me over
but I fought it away
no breakdown # 10 tonight (I've lost count)
It's getting easier to be
overcome by the bad things
in each day
'How was your day?'
'Alright I guess'
'Only alright?'
'Yeah'
Luckily she's there
to take the bad things away
it's what a mum does best after all
and I love her more for being there
everyday
'I don't want you to ever feel like you
can't talk to me about something'
Don't worry, I need you to make me
happy when I am sad
The stress gets too much sometimes
I don't know what I'd do
if she wasn't there to
take it away

When I told you that I had more than the one blog, and you told me I should delete the others
I stopped liking you just a little bit.

The fall.

Falling Through Air
by Margery Snyder

Events are irrevocable
Some thoughts, once thought
Cannot be undone, once
Encoded in synaptic pathways
Come to the same end
However often re-enacted.

Gravity and time move
In one direction
As those people fell but once
Through awe and smoke
But are ever dead
No matter how often
The moment of their fall
Plays through my nerves...

So I fall through air
Between these scented trees
My feet dangling to gravity
As did theirs, but once,
This time, however often
I run down this hill.

Even the littlest moments
Are irrevocable, words said,
Once said, cannot be recalled.
They clasped hands and chose
Fire or falling. They chose
To fall together, tiny specks
Through air that fed the fire
Preceding the towers' greater crash.

So I, too, fall through air
This moment and the next
I love this life and let it pass
I'm still and always falling
I say to you,
Ever irrevocably
I love you
Leap with me.

I was revisiting what I've learnt about 9/11 in school and came accross this poem. This picture fills me with a great sadness whenever I see it.
I've been neglecting this blog, but it can't be helped I guess, life will always get in the way.
Hope to post more soon.

(I'm sorry if this upsets anyone with links to the September 11 attack, it was never my intention)

I told myself that I wouldn't go to bed late, that I would go kind of early but then the printer stopped working so I couldn't print my assignment and he sent me a message and now it's late.

Our silence spoke volumes.

I talked to her

('I worry about you.')

and I talked to him

('I'm sorry.')

about the things that had been worrying me the most

and I told them what I was going to tell him

and they told me what I knew I wanted to hear

and I don't know whether I'm okay or not

or if it's what I wanted.

(We went driving, and barely spoke the whole way there or back. It was the longest 5km drive of my life.)