She watches movies that melt away the glue to expose the cracks that were always there. Even when she was with him and then him, it was there, she felt it mostly at first, then supressed it, hid it away. She forgot for a while, as she realised that it wasn't what she wanted. But it came back. It always comes back. She can try to forget but she won't. She tried to write about it but that didn't make it go away either, because it's always there. And it won't go away just yet because she has to see it to believe that it can. And that's a paradox in itself, because to see it, she has to believe it. And she doesn't think that she can do that. Maybe it will never happen. Maybe she will always have this crushing feeling, that hits her all of a sudden and makes her remember.