What's wrong?

'I don't know' was always on her lips these says.
Always thinking 'Stop messing with my fucking head.'

I like it when our arms brush.
Your touch gives me violent butterflies.

Please make an effort this time.

Please.

You've got a fast car, but is fast enough so you can fly away?

You got a fast car

I want a ticket to anywhere

Maybe we make a deal

Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better

Starting from zero got nothing to lose

Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs
You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

"Thomas Edison's last words were 'It's very beautiful over there'. I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful."

          — John Green (Looking for Alaska)

The boy.

The boy was tall and lanky, with a mess of brown hair that he hated brushing. He stood, leaning against the door frame of his room, with his music blaring, drowning out the rest of the world. Green eyes squeezed shut, he nods his head along with the beat. A battered skateboard sits propped against his bed, the underside graffitied with permanent marker.
A voice calls out to him, demanding attention, and ripping him from his reverie. His face emotionless just a moment before contorts suddenly with anger as he slams his door with force, and falls onto his bed with a sigh. He still hadn't recovered from the fight with his mother the night before. They had been arguing, again, and it had started off just like any other fight.
That was until she hit him.
She'd never hit him before.
He rubbed his cheek, wincing at the stab of pain that shot through his face. Pushing off the bed, he walked slowly over to the mirror and glanced at his reflection.
It was his face, that, he recognised, but his cheek was an unfamiliar shade of purple. He cringed at the memory of the previous night, and was taken aback by how vulnerable his face became in that moment.
He looked at his reflection, his eyes staring back at him, as he searched for answers but found nothing.

Valentines day cards make my heart hurt.

Today I went Valentines day card shopping with two of my friends, both of whom have boyfriends.

I joked with the shop lady about how I was the lonely one, following them as they chose.

We both laughed.

I tried not to let it bother me.

But Valentines day does get to me.

Really, all it does is remind people of how lonely they are.

When a song just really fits.

I'm scratching at the surface now
And I'm trying hard to work it out
So much has gone misunderstood
This mystery only leads to doubt
And I didn't understand
When you reached out to take my hand
And if you have something to say
You'd better say it now

- "Say it to me now," - Glen Hansard

Gloomy feelings and not knowing where you stand 

are cause for a night full of sighs.

10 people, 10 things.

D.
Angry angry angry
Everything you do or say makes me angry
Please don't talk to me
I do resent you.

M.
Stop stop stop
Please will you just stop
Please don't nag me any more
I can't stand it
You're making me resent you.

Me.
Lonely lonely lonely
I always feel lonely
Now out of place with my own friends
People say they don't change
That they won't
And they lie
They always do.

S.
Intruder intruder intruder
You make me feel like an intruder
How come I feel alone around my own friends?
This is all your fault.

J.
Bitter bitter bitter
I am becoming bitter
Soon I will be sour as a lemon
Repelling people from my presence
As you are both repelling me from yours.

J.
Confused confused confused
You make me so confused
More than ever before
I don't want it to be this way
Please make things clearer
And show me that you care.

J.
Changed changed changed
I didn't like you when you changed
When you stopped being there
When you started hanging around with them
When you began to treat me differently
Sometimes I miss you now, sometimes I don't
Where were you when I needed you?
I don't know if I need you now.

K.
Different different different
You are the same but different
I don't know how I feel about you as a friend
I don't know whether I can trust you
Like you trust me.

P.
Understand understand understand
I don't understand
You are messed up
Taking more pills than I can count
I notice when your eyes change
You say no one else does
Its really because I look into things more than other people
Maybe because when I look, I really see.

J.
Gone gone gone
Where have you gone?
What changed?
Something is different
But I don't know what it is
I just want things to be the same they were.

Footsteps down halls on hardwood floors, echoing in my mind. There's no clear path anymore. Everything's a mess, a jumble of this and that. I fall, tumbling into my own existence, through words and time until I can't feel anymore.

School.

Before you know it's monday again
The days are long the nights never end
What happened to your hopes and dreams?
You sold them for a new pair of jeans

- Wake.Sleep.Turn.Repeat. - Kisschasy

School starts tomorrow.
Welcome to the beginning of the end.

Sorry, do you speak English?

Sometimes I feel as if life is a foreign language that everyone but me can speak fluently.
So i'm left, clutching at the old ways with trembling hands, catching glimpses of insight, and phrases that I understand.

But all the while, I am quietly drowning in confusion.