Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A Letter.

Dear Lilah,
or rather,
Dear Grace.

I wasn't I'm still not sure how to write this.

This will all sound mismatched and out of order, because I don't know how to.

I didn't realise at first, I didn't realise at all until your post today.
But I realised even before I read your name at the bottom.

It made me feel better too, even though I didn't know you, having a friend who wouldn't judge me for what I wrote.

When I said that I didn't want you to read my blog, it was because its a personal thing of mine – you would understand, having a blog of your own. But its personal because the people that have read it on here won't read into it, and won't judge, like some of the people from school or in the group would. Because there are things on here that I wouldn't share in a conversation at school. It would be hard for one of my friends, our friends to suddenly read this blog, starting at the end and making their way to the start. They wouldn't understand it, would jump to conclusions, and ask questions. That is why I wouldn't like them to read this blog. But you and anyone else that has been reading this blog from blogger wouldn't have started from the finish, you've been with me during the time that I wrote these posts. You haven't judged, and haven't questioned me about my writing. So you see, it's different.

You said that you didn't and won't judge me for what I have written, and that you wouldn't breathe a word about it. I didn't, and I won't judge you for what you have written either, and I will not breathe a word of what you have written. It's personal, and how could I judge you for sharing something so personal?

Its happened before, a few of my friends, you would know them too, have stumbled upon my blog. But they didn't judge, and didn't comment on what I wrote, so it didn't bother me all that much for them to have read it.

Because you have allowed me to read what you have written, we are in the same boat.
So I don't mind that you have read my blog.
I just hope that you might feel the same about me reading yours.

I know things will be different, and we can pretend that we don't know each other and write like normal, not caring. Or we can unfollow each others blog, and not read any more.
But I don't want to do that. Your blog is one of my favourites, and I really enjoy reading your writing.

But I'm willing to keep writing, and writing as normal, because I trust that you won't judge me, or talk about my writing with anyone. And I will do the same if you choose to continue as well. You have my word that I won't spill your words, that I won't judge your writing. (Although if you choose to not continue writing, or sharing your words, I will miss them greatly. I've really enjoyed reading them, and I think you're a really talented writer :) )

Whatever you wish to be known as, whether it be Lilah or Grace, it doesn't change that.

Don't be sorry about the whole Tumblr thing. I stopped writing personal things on my tumblr because a lot of our friends started to follow it, and there were too many questions being asked. I don't believe you will judge me now, after all this, so it is ok :)

I was finally able to use my real name, because I felt as if I didn't need to hide anymore. I'm not sure what made me choose to do that, but I'm ok with it now.
You didn't screw this up for me, if anything, I'm glad you did find this.

I went back and read through your posts, and I think if I hadn't stopped writing for those few months last year, that I might have also realised that it was you.

Don't be sorry about finding this.
Thankyou for sticking with me throughout this.
And for telling me the truth.



Melee said...

I almost feel like I'm treading on private ground here, but I just have to say I was quite interested to see this unfold, since I read Lilah's first letter to you last month. You both are very inspirational... I have often contemplated what would happen if someone I actually knew found my blog. Now I think that it wouldn't necessarily have to be a bad thing.

Lilah said...

Melee's right
this isn't a bad thing.
just unexpected and different.
Let's go with your idea,
we can always back out if it's too hard.
lilah's not my real name but it's a part of me now, so i'd prefer that on here.
it somehow feels intrusive to see my own name appear.
the poem is lovely
i still don't really connect you with your blog in my mind
they've been separate for so long
at one point when i first thought i knew you i actually thought you were courtney
i thought that for ages.