Just understand okay?

You have to understand that I don't do things like this often. Usually I just sit back and quietly get upset over things that I won't change. But not this time okay? Please understand that I won't do that this time. I'm not an entirely selfish person, and I'm sorry if this hurts you by me making this decision. But I'm losing you anyway. Ever since you had him I've felt like you didn't need me anymore. Yes, maybe I've pulled away, but you've forgotten about me. You may not realise but you do that often.

Loveless.

Listen.

when your time has come and gone
when your final race is won
when the flowers kiss the trees
when the king is on his knees

when your eyes don't speak the truth
and denial is your muse
when your life follows a plan,
your convenience is banned

you're loveless, it's okay you,ve planned it well
you will be happy to know that I've moved on as well

when a lion has it's teeth,
and the sword rest in it's sheath
when the liar plays the fool and the fool makes every rule

you're loveless, it's okay you're planned it well
you will be happy to know that I've moved on as well
you're loveless, it's okay you've planned it well
it's seemless, i already know you well

when you're alone with every one,
know a place to call the sun
there's a feeling in your bones,
you just might end up alone

when you're just so self assured,
now you're rotting at the core
when you're challenged by the truth,
find some friends who lie to you

you're loveless, it's okay you've planned it well
it's seemless, I already know you well.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCZhYf9hPCE&feature=related
(I couldn't post the video, but I love the song.)

Dear B.

You said
'I don't believe in love anymore, or religion.
I don't believe in people.
I've lost faith in the human race.'

I'm not sure I believe in religion anymore,
and it's easy to lose faith in the human race.
But don't give up on love.
I'm not going to tell you anything cliched
like how 'there's someone for everyone'
or anything like that.
But if you stop caring so much,
then sometimes good things will find you.
I don't know how,
or if it will work
but please don't give up.
So many people love you and care
about you, can't you see?

You say you're not happy, 
but it's easy to be fooled
into thinking that you are,
because you're so good at acting.
But now that I know
it won't be easy to forget.

Love, Me.

Drown.

And they closed the beaches

When that little boy drowned.

And they searched and they searched

But he couldn’t be found.

He left behind a father, a sister and mother

But the saddest of all, he left a twin brother.

They were almost alike in every way

He cried when he didn’t come back and play.

They stopped his crying with just a ‘shush’

He knew (they could tell) when the beach fell a hush.

They carried him up, and onto the sand

That boy that will never become a man.

The father cried, the mother screamed

Things were as bad as they had seemed.

Silence quickly fell among the crowd

His voice; it wasn’t very loud

‘Wake up,’ he said. ‘Wake up Tim,

There’s places that we haven’t been

I’ll grow up, and you will to

There’s many things we planned to do.’

All was quiet, all but one sound

His mother falling to the ground.

Because a piece of her heart broke

With every word her young son spoke.

They took him, placed him in a bag

The father sobbed, his shoulders sagged.

‘Mum, they’re taking him away!’

Stop. Their father tried to say

But all that came out was a silent cry

As they lifted his son’s body high.

 



Dear you (and by you I mean all of you)

Please don't do that again.
You have no idea how it affected me.
That when you say those things, I keep it inside of me and it waits, grows, festers.
Don't you know I am insecure and unsure enough all ready, and am always doubting myself?
That what you said wouldn't and couldn't be easily shrugged off and forgotten like maybe you thought it would?
My sister's boyfriend was right when he said "They had no right to say that to you."
You didn't have any right to.

"I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me."

 — Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)


It was one of the best books I've ever read.

Dear You.

I’m sorry that your life’s a mess, and I’m sorry that things don’t work out and I’m sorry that you used to (and still could be, I’ll probably never know) be so sad all the time, and I’m sorry that you can’t find that someone yet (but neither can I, so you’re not alone in being alone ), and I’m sorry that I don’t give you the reaction that you want from me ( I just can’t bring myself to, even though I want to sometimes with my whole being), and I’m sorry that sometimes you feel lost (I seem to feel lost more than others, but maybe it’s because I never tell anyone and neither do they, but I’m working on it I really am can’t you tell? I told you how I felt before when you asked me if I noticed how they were changing even though they said they wouldn’t and I told you I did and that it made me feel lost too and that I didn’t fit in, but when you asked me I didn’t tell you the truth - that you have changed, you’re not the same, you’re different and I couldn’t tell you that because sometimes when people ask for the honest truth and you know that it will hurt them or that they won’t like the answer then it should be ok to tell a lie, to reassure them that no they haven’t changed at all, that they’re still the same person, even if everyone’s changing even if I’ve changed, because really, I have, I could tell you how I’m sad a lot of the time when I’m near the others, because I can feel how different things are and I can feel just how lost things are since they happened, and how I am changing, re orientating myself around them and refocusing the lenses of my eyes to how I see other people, I’m becoming a drifter, floating from place to place trying to figure out where I can place my anchors so that I don’t continue to drift away until I am nothing but a spot in the sky, and I could tell you how I know things won’t be the same, because they could never go back to how they were after everything that’s happened, and I can only remember how they were before everything was turned on it’s side, before the earth began to spin the other way, before that happened because for me, that was what started it all, the butterfly that had the effect on my world) and I’m sorry that I can’t tell you all this because if you want the truth I don’t think you’d know how to handle it and you’d just react the way you know I don’t like and that would put us back to where we were a few weeks ago - not speaking because you didn’t understand - but maybe you did understand, these days I’m just not sure how your brain works - I never was sure - and these days I am less sure than ever.

I wish I could, but I could never tell you this.

From Me.

Insignificant.

I didn’t feel one bit infinite in that moment, I felt insignificant and I could feel the smallness inside of me, inside my chest, making me feel hollow and empty.

photo.

What's wrong?

'I don't know' was always on her lips these says.
Always thinking 'Stop messing with my fucking head.'

"The truth is that I don't think that I can carry anyone but myself right now. The streets are empty. I am empty, or, no - I am full of pain. Its my life that is empty."


- Nick and Norah's Infinite playlist -