Adjusting.

I haven't posted anything in what seems like forever and I haven't written anything in that long either. I don't know why the words have stopped coming, I can only guess that it's because of the pressure of the coming exams. The last thing that I wrote was a letter to her explaining things. It worked. She replied and things are better now.
I haven't seen any of my friends in days. Seen as in spent time with for longer than twenty minutes. I picked up a friend from the bus station today and we talked, but it's a strange feeling being cut off from everyone. I saw another last night when he gave me some religion notes, a cute letter (which I discovered later) and a kiss on the cheek. I miss our chats.
People always said to appreciate the last days of school, I didn't and only now I'm just starting to realise that I won't get to see certain people everyday, or catch up with people at lunch or annoy teachers with our endless chatting. This is supposed to be the best time of my life, but if that's the case, I don't get all the hype. Why wouldn't the rest of my life be better than this?

Tonight I opened up a part of my heart and let its contents fall onto the keys.
I hope it is something.

Dear you (and by you I mean all of you)

Please don't do that again.
You have no idea how it affected me.
That when you say those things, I keep it inside of me and it waits, grows, festers.
Don't you know I am insecure and unsure enough all ready, and am always doubting myself?
That what you said wouldn't and couldn't be easily shrugged off and forgotten like maybe you thought it would?
My sister's boyfriend was right when he said "They had no right to say that to you."
You didn't have any right to.

Whatever though.

When I told her that i didn't miss her. I wasn't exactly telling the truth.
I didn't say that i missed having a best friend. That sense of belonging to someone...
Of always fitting in.
Thats what I miss.