100 Things.

I this my 100th post, so I thought I'd do something different.

10 things about me.
1.  I have curly hair that frustrates me to no end.
2. I mostly only wear odd socks.
3. I like writing more than anything else.
4. I collect notebooks.
5. I read books that make me feel.
6. I have a boyfriend.
7. I like taking photos of things.
8. I've been playing soccer for 7 years.
9. I like collecting quotes.
10. I'm always listening to music.


10 pictures that I found. (on weheartit)

10 Things (more) things.

1. I have been meaning to write a book of letters for my friends and family to read after I die. (Not that I plan on going anytime soon, it's just that you never know what might happen, and I can't leave them with nothing.)
2. I love writing but I don't always think that what I write is good enough. I am starting to learn to love the things I write now. Maybe because I'm learning to write them for me.
3. The other day I realised that sometimes I'm so shy I even breathe quietly.
4. I'm scared. I mean, I'm scared of what could be under my bed, or hiding in the shower, I'm scared of next year because it means making big decisions that I'm not ready enough to make, I'm scared of dying because I don't know what comes next, I'm scared of trying because I could fail, I'm scared of changing because it's different and diffiicult.
5. I always say goodbye when someone leaves - incase something happens.
6. I take everything to heart - everything. So watch what you say because when you say it you may think nothing of it, and you might not notice , but my heart is sinking and my brain will have stored it away to keep reminding me over and over and over again, and my cup will be half empty, so to me you will have meant whatever you said and when I;m upset later, or later that afternoon, or before I go to sleep I will remember and I will think and think and think about it until I don't want to anymore because in the end it will all be too much.
7. I'm not confident. I doubt everything. I always wonder what people mean when they say certain things and I have to ask otherwise it eats away at me. I always need encouragement to do things and to be reassured that whatever I'm doing is ok, that it won't hurt anyone, that 'no you're not a horrible person'. I will never stop doubting.
8. I collect lyrics like a gardener collects flowers. On post-it notes, scrawled in notebooks, and written underneath my desk, I hoard them, saving them up for - I don't even know yet myself. They're mostly sad ones, I like sad things you see.
9. I can't look you in the eye for more than a few seconds without looking away. I just can't. It's nothing against you, just please don't stare.
10. Some days I don't know where I fit in. I feel lost, and find myself wandering, trying to find my place. I don't know if you can have a best friend that you can't tell everything to.


10 Quotes.
1. "Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living." - Jonathan Safran Foer
2. "I desire the things, that will destroy me in the end." - Sylvia Plath
3. "I can't explain myself, I'm afraid sir," said Alice, "Because I'm not myself, you see." - Lewis Carroll
4. "I want to believe in it all again — in art, fate, and love. And I want to believe that I’ve made the right choice and that I’m on the right path and there’s still time to fix the mistakes I’ve made. And I guess I want hope." - One Tree Hill
5. "You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them." - Impulse, Ellen Hopkins
6. "And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn't really." - Synecdoche, New York
7. “These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves. From each of them goes out its own voice… and just as the touch of a button on our set will fill the room with music, so by taking down one of these volumes and opening it, one can call into range the voice of a man far distant in time and space, and hear him speaking to us, mind to mind, heart to heart.” - Gilbert Highet
8. "I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them that no one else gets to see. Like, if you followed them around invisibly for a day and you saw them crying in their bed at night or singing to themselves as they make a sandwich or just walking along the street. Even if they were really weird and had no friends at school. I think after seeing them at their most vulnerable you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them." - Tumblr
9. “And all the books you’ve read have been read by other people. And all the songs you’ve loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that’s pretty to you is pretty to other people. And you know that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing unity.” - The Perks of Being a Wallflower
10. “These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence: the connections - sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent - that happened after I was gone. And I began to see things in a way that let me hold the world without me in it. The events that my death wrought were merely the bones of a body that would become whole at some unpredictable time in the future. The price of what I came to see as this miraculous body had been my life.” - Alice Sebold


10 Things to say.
1. B - Please don't say things like that. It makes me worry and I already worry too much.
2. P -  I hope you're getting better. In some crazy, fucked up way I think she's good for you. I hope it stays that way.
3. S - I know now. And I think I'm beginning to understand why you did it. You can talk to me. I'm your best friend and I want to be able to talk to you about anything and everything. But I can't yet.
4. K - I respect your decision a lot more than theirs. Thankyou for giving me hope.
5. R - I'm sorry I don't know what I'm doing a lot of the time. I'm learning though. But please don't say things like that without having a reason to.
6. J - It's your fault, don't you see? You fuck things up and then don't change. I don't think you'll ever learn from your mistakes. Eventually you'll only have yourself to blame.
7. G - I really do hope you're okay. I worry about you too. You have talent in what you do.
8. D - What will you have left after this? It's too soon to say these things. It's meant to be something special.
9. K - Sometimes I don't know what to say to you. I don't want to encourage you, but they're your decisions to make.
10. Me - You can't avoid it forever. You need to change, she's right about this. Don't stay stagnant because it's easier.

10 Songs I like
1. Everything - A Cursive Memory
2. Gotta Be Somebody's Blues - Jimmy Eat World
3. Lillian Lies - Youth Group
4. Skinny Love - Bon Iver
5. Landslide - Epicure
6. To Be Quite Honest - Cruiserweight
7. Act One, Scene One - The Fall of Troy
8. Anger Is The Brand New Thing - Kisschasy
9. We've Got a Big Mess On Our Hands - The Academy Is...
10. Cut Me, Mick - Yellowcard

10 pictures that I took.

 One of my favourite snacks :)

 Backyard reflections.

 Raindrops on Agapanthas.

 A Sleeping ladybeetle.

 A pretty spider.

 A willow at sunset.

 One of our new baby chickens when it was just over a month old :)

 A flock of birds near sunset.

 A pelican at sunrise.

A wave at one of my favourite places in the world.

10 words I like.

1. Transience

2. Effervescence

3. Ephemeral

4. Ethereal

5. Myriad

6. Murmur

7. Intertwined

8. Silhouette

9. Phosphorescence

10. Aqueous

10 books I love.

1. Paper Towns – john green

2. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close – johnathon safran foer
3. The Perks of being a Wallflower – Stephen chbosky
4. The history of love – Nicole krauss
5. The Messenger - Markus Zusak
6. The noah confessions – Barbara hall
7. The truth about forever – sarah desson
8. The lovely bones – alice sebold
9. The Book Theif - Markus Zusak
10. Before I Die – Jenny Downham


10 Lyrics.
1. Space and time distort the mind.
2. Hear me now, you will never be alone.
3. See all these people, they tell you who you are and who you should be, they've gone too far.
4. I'll leave pieces of paper, pieces of myself along the way.
5. Cuts on paper hearts they can be awful deep.
6. Sing the song they sing, the words you don't mean. When's the last time you looked inside?
7. I stopped trying to write the things I don't like and I started going back to where I'd been before.
8. And for one crowded hour, you were the only one in the room.
9. Is it real, does it give to much away? Is pouring out my heart till you come back a reason to stay, do you know?
10. We made plans to kiss the sun at night.


Sorry this was such a long post. I wanted to make it 100 things for 100 posts, and I'm quite happy that I managed to bring together 100 things. It took a surprising amount of effort and actually took me a week to make in all. Maybe now that you've read this you'll know a little more about me, and maybe you'll understand.

Heart's A Mess.

This photo is one of mine.

Pieces.

Lately all I've been writing about is you, because at the moment I'm trying to work myself out and to figure out how to be in all this.


I made a book of happy things and I'm thinking of making one of sad things, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea at the moment.
You see the feeling has returned, and it's just there, hovering in my thoughts, threatening me but not quite taking over like it used to. I don't think that it will, but I'm wary all the same. It's been keeping me on my toes.
If I make a book of meaningful things instead, maybe that will be different, but I'm just not sure.
I think I will.

You are

beaches

and

bluebottles

and

night time

and

driving

and

rollercoaster roads

and

midnight

and

black water

and

bright lights

and

big rocks

and

ice cream

and

walking

and

secret

and

shooting stars

and

dingoes

and

good morning

and

company

and

comfort

and

the opposite of lonely

and

opera

and

movies

and

one in the morning

and

breakwalls

and

jeans

and

football

and

knees

and

hands

and

orange

You told me I had small feet.
They're almost half the size of mine, You said.
My hands are small too, I said.
You laughed.

A letter.

All I needed was to write a letter to myself,

saying that I was doing the right thing, 

 before I could start to believe it.

We.

I am you. You are me.

I watch you on the screen.

Half my age and half again

I see myself, I see you.

Running and falling

And crying and singing.

I see proof of the days when living was easy.

Bunched up curls and bring blue eyes.

You stare at the camera,

But you're really staring at me.

I laugh, I cry,

You laugh, You cry.

At least a decade separates us

But we are the same thing,

Being,

Person.

I can see you but you can't see me.

Now I can only look back and try to remember.

As you look forward, and don't mean to, but forget.

                                                         here



Watched some baby videos last night. It made me nostalgic.

Me.

I am shy, I try too hard, I like to be different, I can't live without music, I have a fascination with clouds, I wish at 11.11 and 12.34, My wishes never really come true, I read, I try to find the words that I know are there, I just haven't found them yet, My writing is best at night, I like it when I know all the words to a song, I like it when we have a deep conversation, I fear other's judgement, I am unsure a lot of the time, and you make me more unsure than ever before,

That night.

To them that night meant nothing

to her, everything.

it was a night of crumpled paper

unheard sobs and unseen tears

left alone she cried

while the rest of the world slept.

She cried as she lay with the book in her arms

and she left the song on repeat

but even as the fan spun

the silence was deafening.

A new week, a new blog.

As I struggle
fighting sleep so the dreams won't start
I hover at the edge of unconciousness
then am dragged under by a wave of darkness.


I have a new blog. ~ http://dearyou-fromme.blogspot.com/
I kinda like it :)